Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

For any stories that don't fit into the other categories... let loose with the writing!

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Mon Jan 07, 2013 7:37 am

Recieved! Now to keep reading. ;)
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Tue Jan 22, 2013 2:50 pm

I'm about half way through, I think, chapter 14. Not sure if it's intentional but in the early part of the chapter there's this part where the gnome just makes a "" noise. Not sure if that's intentional but you might want to pick a different symbol to convey what you want. This kinda made me think the font was broken. ;)

Also I am loving how non-humans keep looking at wands hoping to be more powerful and how humans keep struggling to do any magic without their wands. You might want to play that up a bit more in the re-write if there's room. ^_^
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby earthwulf » Wed Jan 23, 2013 12:00 am

FIE ON FONTS. Yeah, it's just a random word font, thought it was something like webdings, some font that's been in use for a decade. Apparently not. It was a language, a specific language, but really -unintelligible, at least so far. I have the base, but I'm not going to be introducing it for a while.

Thanks for reading - you're the 1st person who has gotten this far - and I really do like that Idea. I've gotten two publishing house rejections (form letter rejections, but still) so far. Thank you thank you thank you!
Contributor: http://haystackblog.wordpress.com/
Occasional winner: http://needleinthehay.net/
User avatar
earthwulf
Diddly Womper, 1st class
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:45 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Wed Jan 23, 2013 12:03 pm

He's supposed to be laughing right? Just make him sound like a gold farmer. "Kekekekekekekekekeke!" :P
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby earthwulf » Wed Jan 23, 2013 1:25 pm

... actually, that would be better. He's just throwing down some gnomic incantations...
Contributor: http://haystackblog.wordpress.com/
Occasional winner: http://needleinthehay.net/
User avatar
earthwulf
Diddly Womper, 1st class
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:45 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Fri Jan 25, 2013 12:32 pm

The one spell he cast there I saw. It was just the other stuff. I just like the thought of him being associated with gold farmers. ^_^
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Mon Apr 01, 2013 12:11 pm

Finally finished. Nice non-ending there ya bastard! :P
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby earthwulf » Mon Apr 01, 2013 2:12 pm

Wait - you read the whole thing?

...

YOU'RE #1! YOU'RE #1! YOU'RE #1!

Thanks for making it thru - it's supposed to be a 7 part series :P

Also, I added a prologue so it doesn't start off quite as exposition-y.

What'd you think? Wait.. don't tell me. No, tell me. Wait - no, hold on.

Aaarrgghh. This is the worst April fool's joke EVAR.
Contributor: http://haystackblog.wordpress.com/
Occasional winner: http://needleinthehay.net/
User avatar
earthwulf
Diddly Womper, 1st class
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:45 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby j99450 » Mon Apr 01, 2013 4:31 pm

It might not nessicarily BE an April Fool's joke.


A moogle on heaven in FFXIV wrote:unspeakably beutiful, unimaginably spacious, and with a literally endless supply of wine.
User avatar
j99450
BoarD Member
 
Posts: 363
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 6:43 pm
Location: Waterboro, ME

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Tue Apr 02, 2013 7:48 am

Wow! 7 Parts? Ambitious!


And no joke, I read the whole thing. And now I'm confused do you want to know what I thought or not?

Tough I'm telling ya anyways. I liked it! It was a fun read. Light and fluffy fantasy. I liked that it was sort of a tale of what would happen to the kids in Harry Potter when they grew up. Again I loved that the non-humans have powerful magic and anxiously want to use wands to make it better, while humans can barely do magic without them. Also I actually liked the non-ending you threw in there. Even if the 6 other parts never get written. It was an interesting choice even if we don't get any closure.

Bad stuff? Yeah there was some. :P You wrote this for NaNoWriMo one year, yes? It shows. It suffers from some pretty horrible bloat. I think I mentioned this before. The parts I'd probably focus on removing are the expostions that are in the middle of the more action oriented scenes. Alternatively, you could move them into footnotes. If Terry Pratchett can get away with that, so can you! The tail agents seem to be pretty superfluious. I expected them to be a bit more involved but that may be because this is only book 1? They got, what, two whole chapters devoted to them? Then they are completely in the background of the rest of the book. I might give them a bigger role. And Kargichee Baltimore defintely needs more lines no question, and maybe an inexplicably bad jamaican accent. ;)
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Tue Apr 02, 2013 7:48 am

Oh gods! Spoiler lines are bright pink! Ow!
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby earthwulf » Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:01 am

Kargarok wrote:Wow! 7 Parts? Ambitious!

Yeah - it's mapped out, I just need to actually sit down and write it. But I wanted to make this one as tight as possiblebefore that - and your comments help a LOT!


Kargarok wrote:Bad stuff? Yeah there was some. :P

Great! No, really - it's hard to get people to point out that that is crap...and I really appreciate it.

Kargarok wrote: You wrote this for NaNoWriMo one year, yes? ... It suffers from some pretty horrible bloat.

Er, no. That's my other one, a much smaller piece. This is just my writing over the course of two + years. I need to go back and figure out where to let the gas out...

Kargarok wrote: The parts I'd probably focus on removing are the expostions that are in the middle of the more action oriented scenes. Alternatively, you could move them into footnotes. If Terry Pratchett can get away with that, so can you!

Hrm, interesting. I never really thought of that... I like it. I have a problem with exposition myself. Any particular ones you saw as worse than other? I may try to massage them all into one chapter & try to make it more show-y & less tell-y

Kargarok wrote:The tail agents seem to be pretty superfluious. I expected them to be a bit more involved but that may be because this is only book 1? They got, what, two whole chapters devoted to them? Then they are completely in the background of the rest of the book. I might give them a bigger role.


I'd thought about this... I wanted to bring them in early and show that they are there and have their own things going on; in the following books at least one of 'em has a much greater role.

Kargarok wrote:And Kargichee Baltimore defintely needs more lines no question, and maybe an inexplicably bad jamaican accent. ;)


I can work with that. Maybe after a battle, his brain now only functions in bad Jamaican...

I really really really want to know what can be better, andd I do wanna know what you (or anyone who reads it) thinks. I need to make this ready to ship before I start writing

The following (working) titles - incoming Pinkness:

JC & The Antikythera Device
JC & The Gormless Tails
JC & The Primal Growl
Jc & The Heartfelt BushBush
JC & The Gegnomic Sequence
JC & The Insurmountable Empire
Contributor: http://haystackblog.wordpress.com/
Occasional winner: http://needleinthehay.net/
User avatar
earthwulf
Diddly Womper, 1st class
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:45 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:45 am

earthwulf wrote:
Kargarok wrote: You wrote this for NaNoWriMo one year, yes? ... It suffers from some pretty horrible bloat.

Er, no. That's my other one, a much smaller piece. This is just my writing over the course of two + years. I need to go back and figure out where to let the gas out...


Hah! Yeah that'll do it too.

Tell you what work is pretty slow right now want me to actually sit down and edit this thing? I did it for a friend who actually did get published once. It was a small hole in the wall publisher I think, but the books were hardcover. Pflatland, I doubt you ever heard of it. ;) I'll try to remember to dig it out and find the publisher too.
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby earthwulf » Tue Apr 02, 2013 2:06 pm

Wow. That would be amazing. Maybe you should be an agent...
Contributor: http://haystackblog.wordpress.com/
Occasional winner: http://needleinthehay.net/
User avatar
earthwulf
Diddly Womper, 1st class
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:45 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Rhen » Fri Apr 05, 2013 6:02 am

now that your fininshed (and I'm done with Wheel of Time.....20 years @#&^%$ ) I would like to read this to my son. Maybe I'll await the second draft.
User avatar
Rhen
Wrenalicious
 
Posts: 1342
Joined: Mon Jul 23, 2007 3:48 pm
Location: McMinnvile, Or.

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby earthwulf » Fri Apr 05, 2013 10:42 am

I'm a-workin' on it. It does have violence & sex, so you gaoota read it before he can unnerstan
Contributor: http://haystackblog.wordpress.com/
Occasional winner: http://needleinthehay.net/
User avatar
earthwulf
Diddly Womper, 1st class
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:45 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Thu May 30, 2013 12:02 pm

All done. Check you e-mail. ;) Now I can start writing for Star Citizen. ^_^
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby earthwulf » Thu May 30, 2013 3:49 pm

You just got me all tingly inside, Kargy...
Contributor: http://haystackblog.wordpress.com/
Occasional winner: http://needleinthehay.net/
User avatar
earthwulf
Diddly Womper, 1st class
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Fri Aug 03, 2007 8:45 am
Location: Seattle, WA

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby Kargarok » Fri May 31, 2013 12:18 pm

^_^
"I am a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar." - Hoban "Wash" Washburn

Kargarok
KargyPants
 
Posts: 2086
Joined: Fri Jul 27, 2007 6:59 am

Re: Jasmine Cowl And the Salagi Talking Stick

Postby j99450 » Sun Jun 02, 2013 5:04 pm

If ya put it up on Kindle let me know, and I'll take a look at it.


A moogle on heaven in FFXIV wrote:unspeakably beutiful, unimaginably spacious, and with a literally endless supply of wine.
User avatar
j99450
BoarD Member
 
Posts: 363
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2011 6:43 pm
Location: Waterboro, ME

Previous

Return to Story Corner

cron